http://www.workingdefinition.com/2009/05/06/reacting-v-responding Thu, 17 Nov 2011 07:16:08 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 http://www.workingdefinition.com/2009/05/06/reacting-v-responding/comment-page-1#comment-8857 Clegg Uglumpoomphs Thu, 07 May 2009 12:18:42 +0000 http://www.workingdefinition.com/?p=699#comment-8857 I recommend "Getting to Yes" and "Getting Past No," two books on negotiations, in business and life. In one of them a technique is called "Going to the Balcony." Maybe the other side is deliberately trying to provoke you into a distracting, self-defeating loss of cool, or maybe it's not calculated but the danger is still there. It is advised that you mentally remove yourself from the stage, to the balcony, and look on the situation as a detached observer might. Another book I have valued over the years is "Everyday Englightenment," which advises us to understand that feelings (anger, lust, envy, despair, etc.) come and go, unbidden, like the weather. It is natural to have these feelings and important that you recognize that they are coursing through you. Remember, however, that what counts, what you can control, are your actions. You can be angry, for example, but need not speak or act accordingly. Or at times you may feel that you are just not getting the subject matter for an upcoming test; okay, recognize what your are feeling... but, meanwhile, keep studying. Feelings are real, but need not control your actions. Finally, from either Confucious or a fortune cookie, "if you are aguing with a fool, two fools are arguing." I recommend “Getting to Yes” and “Getting Past No,” two books on negotiations, in business and life. In one of them a technique is called “Going to the Balcony.” Maybe the other side is deliberately trying to provoke you into a distracting, self-defeating loss of cool, or maybe it’s not calculated but the danger is still there. It is advised that you mentally remove yourself from the stage, to the balcony, and look on the situation as a detached observer might. Another book I have valued over the years is “Everyday Englightenment,” which advises us to understand that feelings (anger, lust, envy, despair, etc.) come and go, unbidden, like the weather. It is natural to have these feelings and important that you recognize that they are coursing through you. Remember, however, that what counts, what you can control, are your actions. You can be angry, for example, but need not speak or act accordingly. Or at times you may feel that you are just not getting the subject matter for an upcoming test; okay, recognize what your are feeling… but, meanwhile, keep studying. Feelings are real, but need not control your actions. Finally, from either Confucious or a fortune cookie, “if you are aguing with a fool, two fools are arguing.”

]]>