Do you ever find that a swift kick in the ass is sometimes absolutely necessary? Well that’s what I got this week at work. And you know what? I deserved it. I had set out some very interesting projects for the office and not followed through with what I had said I would do. I’m not sure what it was that got me into a rut of low productivity, but really it doesn’t even matter; I’m here to do a job and I need to do that job to the best of my abilities. Once I was able to realize that their criticisms were not personal I worked on re-adjusting my attitude. I’d like to thank those people who helped me understand what was going on and what I had to do. This all said, I feel great. Today we went for a free lunch at the brand new dining hall at Bates - wow! It’s a stunning space and will give other NESCACs a run for their money. Next week I’m giving a presentation on the Peace Corps at the Lewiston Public Library and the following week I’ll be participating in a student leadership conference in Augusta. I feel a renewed sense of importance about what I’m doing and I also feel good about myself - who I am and what I can offer.

As my previous post (not the psychedelic strobe candle light picture of my Mac) may have imparted, I feel a bit like an outside observer in much of what is going on. When I had this miniature epiphany, I tied it back to how perhaps I’ve always operated, and the re-enforcement of such behaviors by my Peace Corps experience.

As a foreigner in a highly unfamiliar culture, one stands out without much effort and must therefore first become an active analyst before developing any level of understanding about trust and boundaries; since these two attributes constitute much of what defines culture, one must be open to learning them in a method which is likely neither verbal nor written.

Back now in a familiar environment, this angst is channeled into the political process. People often forget that being a good rhetorician does not necessarily equate with being the most loquacious. In this regard, McCain will seem like a wise elder when compared to Bush, which will be in his favor. However, when it comes to inspirational, perhaps transformational rhetoric, Obama is without a doubt the leader of the pack and therefore my choice for President. Don’t worry though, it’s not only the rhetoric I dig, but also the message; Obama has become more Populist recently and seems to have successfully picked up the mantle of Edwards supporters.

Back to what I was saying before that sneak endorsement.

The more I’ve become aware of how deeply the democratic process has been subverted in this country, the more hopeful I am that its exposition and remedy will come in all due haste. No doubt the process has begun, but its accession to the new hegemony will be challenged ruthlessly. The paring of bold Kennedy-era vision with Millennial technology provides a potentially explosive fruit. Key to this is universal domestic high speed broadband access to an open internet (tax funded.)

I think my generation has moved beyond the outside observer status and joined the process via a diverse range of means. In many, if not most cases, the desire of one generation to change the policies wrought by the previous is universal. This fantastic power, does, however, have an often crippling downside, the tendency towards factionalization. If such pitfalls can be consciously avoided, the great power of coalescion can be applied to gravely important matters.

These are shockingly seminal times.

- I think live-blogging is a neat idea, but have never done/participated in it.

- I scored 124 today on an online IQ test from mistupid.com (no link due to excessive addage)

- I wonder if I, in some way, am an artist.

- I start to think that a disjointed list of bulleted statements beginning with “I….” may seem a bit bombastic.

- By George! It’s my own damn website, I can follow any format I wish!

- The floor is vibrating… it is either sex going on or the washing machine… really.

- I am still the guy running around naked on the quad?

- Is getting obsessive with managing his Facebook profile.

- Is proud of himself, sometimes.

Today it rained heavily for the entire day, a first in my Maine book. I didn’t go in to the office at all today. Rather, I drove down for a 10 o’clock meeting in Portland. My supervisor, MT, likes to organize, and one of her things is a “regional roundtable.” This is not one of her duties, rather something that she has brought to the position in her gushingly outward and inspiring style. It was held at the University of New England’s Westbrook campus. UNE, like many of the schools at which my VISTAs work, has multiple campuses; in UNE’s case, Biddeford and Westbrook (really just an outer streetcar suburb of Portland.)

Biddeford is the “down and out former mill city” of Southern Maine, just as Lewiston is to to the “Lakes and Mountains” region. Each has its advantages and disadvantages. While both Biddeford and Lewiston can be easily accessed from I-95, Biddeford is south of Portland therefore placing it in more of a seasonal influx area. Lewiston and Auburn (the twin mill-towns/cities sitting directly across the heavily polluted Androscoggin river,) are more off the beaten track.

To explain, to get off for Biddeford when driving up I-95 from Boston, you will be on the Maine Turnpike, the effective yet uninspired template later used for the Eisenhower Interstate System. At this point the highway is three lanes on each side. However, as you approach Portland, the three lane highway ends and what’s left is a branch in the system. Before 2004, I-95 would continue up through Portland and Brunswick to Augusta, the state capital. It should be noted, however, that the original Maine Turnpike consisted of a route up to Auburn/Lewiston before reaching Augusta. In essence, when interstate highways were Federalized and numerated, the Auburn/Lewiston section was designated as a spur. In 2004, however, this was changed/rectified [PDF], and now I-95 goes through Auburn/Lewiston, thereby holding faithful to the original post-War route.

Now, given all this, you might think that the Auburn/Lewiston area would get more traffic, but that’s just not true, largely due to the inescapable fact that Portland is an active deep-water port. Portland, a once crucial Canadian/New England freight/rail hub which rivaled Boston, is still active, thanks in no small part to the cruise industry. So what does this social/historical engineering lesson suggest? Well, the result is that I-95 to Lewiston is less traveled than the road to Portland. This is Lewiston’s great drawback, even though, if refurbished, it would be a respectable, if not spectacular city in a charming Maine kind of way.

Anyway, what this had to do about my meeting today is that it was held at UNE’s Portland campus. My VISTA and her supervisor who work on the Biddeford campus had never been to the Portland campus… yet they reserved a nice conference room there. Now I’m not familiar with colleges having multiple physical campuses, because I went to a self-contained little liberal arts college (thank you very much.) UNE’s Biddeford campus the liberal-arts / homeopathic medicine / marine science hub. The newly revived Portland campus (thanks to the new Dean,) is focused on the college’s more scientific mission, in this case, “undergraduate programs in dental hygiene and nursing and graduate programs in nurse anesthesia, occupational therapy, physical therapy, physician assistant, and social work.” The liberal arts campus, (Biddeford,) doesn’t know what to think and is pissed that the liberal-arts mission of the institution is not being pushed. That’s the situation one of my VISTAs is working in… interesting. She, however, is amazingly ambitious and has a a fantastic counterpart; it is readily apparent that the two work well together and feed off of one another’s different but related energies.

It was a fruitful meeting, and although I didn’t contribute too much, I was pleased to see MT’s project go over so well. Finishing at around 3 I decided to swing through Portland before returning to Lewiston. Mind you that it was still pouring. While driving through Portland a store caught my eye so I drove down to the water, parked and walked up Exchange street, the hip/yuppy center to find Simply Scandinavian Foods. The store carries some Swedish a staples, offers Swedish bakery items to order (in addition to the few on display) and interestingly sports a prominent Jewish component (think about that one.) Right in the front of the store, well placed if I may say, is a large display of Bilar. Bilar is a famous Swedish candy that has been around for over 50 years (read about it here if you wish) and something I haven’t had since my flight back from Stockholm on SAS. 4 dollars seemed about right for the Sweedish made English version. (n.b. I just ran to get them now.)

Back to Lewiston, soggy, I tuned into the local hate radio station, WLOB 96.3. Hannity bored me so I scanned and landed on a Jesus station broadcasting a rousing bleat extolling the value of goin’ to church on Sunday. After that, some more scanning brought me to a recording of a Midwestern twanged woman delivering a reactionary anti-feminist screed berating those of the female sex who chose to focus on anything other than solely “pleasing their man, raising a family, and loving the lord.” I have never heard this message as intensely and clearly broadcast; the Christian right is either taking over or in its last gasps.

After forcing myself to the gym (and seeing boi dude there, interestingly,) I prepared buffalo and asparagus on the recently purchased stovetop grill. A bath was on tap and I figured out how to listen to music and control iTunes without moving the computer into the bathroom (hint, because I have a PC it involves lots of cables… though I’m sure it could be done over Bluetooth.) Some atmosphere, writing and endless pedantic editing. Here I grind to the present and can do little more but speculate. I’ll try to enjoy my caramel apple and Bilar as I do.

Tonight is Jewish New Year’s Eve; we welcome the year 5768. Although I’m not too religious, it’s pretty amazing to think of they year being 5768 as opposed to 2007. When Judaism is viewed in its totality, its staying power is inspirational. As with most new years traditions, on Rosh Hashanah, Jews are asked to both reflect on the previous year and meditate on goals for the upcoming one. One of my goals is to do well in my job, and to continue to develop a network of friends and colleagues. As this celebration coincides with my first day on the job solo, I am inspired not only to do well for the sake of those who are depending on me, but also for myself.

My life has taken an interesting path, especially in the past few years. I have been challenged immensely, and I have grown. But still I am not all I wish to be, and sometimes doubts and insecurities win out over logic and rationality. However, I know that to be entirely rational, dispassionate and uber-Randian is not the answer. That middle ground, though, between what you currently are and that which you would like to become, is elusive and ever-changing. Just as events in the world change, so too do our own expectations and priorities. To be unsure is not folly in and of itself, rather, the loss of curiosity regarding ourselves and our world is what poses the greatest threat to our personal and collective evolution.

So on this new day, if you care, share some of your thoughts on your process of becoming, and the definitions your seek.