It has been a strange week. For our last few days in Uzbekistan, Peace Corps (perhaps out of pitty,) put us up in a 4 star hotel in Tashkent. I was able to re-connect with my friends from PST and spend some quality time over good food food and good beer. Although we were in the big city, something I had been looking forward to, the whole event was tinged with a mixture of sadness, anger, and confusion. What to do when you you’ve spent three months learning a very foreign culture and then another two actualy working within it? How to say good bye to those people who had taken you in as family and welcomed you as friends? What to make of your experience? Success, failure – Interruped Service – who’s to blame?
So I check the news today and the future seems dire for Uzbekistan. Experts say that further destabilization is likeley and words such as: bloody, rebellion, unrest, civil war and others are thrown into the mix. What to think about the families who are just trying to get by and get ahead? Who will have to pay and will there be any winners or will everyone lose at least in the short term? All unanswerable, only conjecture.
So these thoughts race through my head as I’m trying to process yet another new culture, yet another new language, yet another group of 60 plus Americans. It’s too much but there is no turning back. I’m coming to the realization that I can only talk about Uzbekistan here for so long before I become just another PC Romania volunteer. Not that that is a bad thing, but it just leaves me thinking about what exactaly those last five months were. I wouldn’t give them away for anything but what do I take from it?
Its raining today in Transylvania, and I went out for a beer with a few of the boys from my language class this afternoon. So far another very smart group. I’m Matt number 3. My host mother is a kindly woman, poor but talking to me nonstop in Romanian. Maybe I’ll understand one day. Tomorrow I go see the rest of the group again at hub. It will be all right.
Hi, Matt:
You went where your country needed you and served with courage and honor. It is not your fault, or that of the Peace Corps, that you were not able to serve a full tour of duty. The blame rests squarely with the wretched Uzbek government, a repressive, violent kleptocracy, which did not want its people to be exposed to such subversive notions as freedom and democracy. Based on my careful following of the situation, I think things will get worse there before they get better. My hope is that Uzbek soldiers will eventually refuse to gun down their own people; such has happened in other nations which had a powerul security apparatus, only to see it turn on the ruling elite and throw in with the common people. From what we learned from your thoughtful posts, the Uzbek people welcomed the Peace Corps and the opportunities it offered them to better their lives. We will all hope and pray that the people of Uzbekistan may realize their dreams.
One of the most important qualities of successful people is the ability to switch gears when necessity demands. You went to a strange land and succeeded; you were able to fit in, learn your way around and help a lot of Uzbeks, especially youngsters. You were the face of an America that all too few people around the world ever get to know. Now, however, through no fault of your own, that is over and you must turn to your new challenge. The experiences you had, though, can only help you. You have already passed through the sense of dislocation, already wondered if you would measure up, already demonstrated to yourself that you can, indeed, rise to the occasion. I imagine that your Uzbekistan experiences are or will become of marginal interest to the newly arrived Romanian vols; wouldn’t you have given but passing attention when first you arrived in Tashkent to the tales of volunteers coming over from a different country? You had your hands full then learning a new language and about a very different culture, just as the green Ro-vols are preoccupied with the challenges you have already faced and met. You were tested, in Uzbekistan, under far more difficult conditions than obtain in Romania, so I hope that you will take that lesson, if nothing elese, from your experience.
We are very proud of you, especially of your willingness to move on quickly to another country that can benefit from the Peace Corps’ presence. I hope that we will be able to communicate with you much more easily now that you are in Europe and, who knows, maybe get to visit you!
Love,
Dad
Agreed, and well said. I think that in many cases, maybe most cases, we never realize how much knowledge and wisdom we’ve picked up from an experience until we find ourselves using it. You probably won’t really know the extent of what you’ve gotten from PC Uzbekistan until you’re back in action.
I know how much dedication you put into what you do. The success of the Tripod web site is ample testament to that. So I can imagine how easy it is for you to think that, in some way, you’ve failed at what you were supposed to do in Uzbekistan. As your dad said, it’s the Uzbekistan government that failed you, and the people you were teaching, by eliminating one source of progress that could have turned the country around. You can only guess what kind of impact you’ve made on the people you worked with – it may be more than you know. I think the best you can do is to focus on making a difference where you are now, and stay in touch with the people you knew in Uzbekistan, if possible.
In the meantime, it sounds like you’re starting to get into the swing of things over there. Best of luck with that – anyone in your group ever heard of a grasshopper? 😉
It’s raining here too right now. We’re in the middle of a violent thunderstorm, and that combined with the old-fashioned halls and rooms of Main Building really makes the place look like a haunted castle. Not to overdo the recent vampire humor, but I was thinking of you as I was running in from the storm this afternoon.
All the best.
New Address:
Matthew K Barison
Peace Corps Romania
Str. Negustori, Nr. 16
Sector 2, Bucharest
Romania
write “Airmail” on envelope
Matt,
Rain seems to be everywhere, even next door to you in Moldova. It’s cloudy and muddy today, which seemingly represents my mood. Like you, I am also confused and angry, and I know I have to get over it. Life goes on, no matter how much kicking and screaming you do to keep it where it is.
I don’t know if it helps, but I sometimes think of life like a long hall with many doors on each side. I see myself at the center of the hall, and people I don’t know come in some of the doors, and people I don’t know go out of the other doors on the opposite side.
But if Ilook at the situation from the other side, I see that I will go in an out of people’s lives. For some, I don’t mind. For others, I mind terribly.
I think of that long hall. Except this time, I’m the one opening the door, going into the long hall, and meeting that unknown person or people in the center. And then, for some reason or another, I start to walk out. But my feet aren’t moving me. Life is moving me, making room for someone else to come in and take my place. I don’t like it, but there’s nothing I can do.
It’s a scary thought. But for those lives that I leave unwillingly, I can take the experiences I have and learn from them and make my life better in the long run.
That’s the way I look at it. There are no definite answers for what you learn. Only you can decide that for yourself. Just trust that in the end, it will all come to you.
Take care,
Josh
Oops, it’s supposed to be: “people I don’t know come in some of the doors, and people I DO know go out of the other doors on the opposite side.
Matt:
I am so happy that you made it safely to Romania; you are needed there in a country that once had a very violent uprising under Soviet rule in 1968. Their uprising occured in recent history, so there are probably people who still remember and who lived through the bloodshed inflicted upon a country that wanted to live under its own rules.
I know it’s difficult to swallow right now, but just think, you have two countries in which you served as a Peace Corps member on ONE tour of duty. Some people serve twice in order to get to where you are. You have the privilege to observe both countries while they are still fresh in your mind, experience, and BLOG. Your father eloquently stated that you successfully served your country in Uz with honor and in peace to the utmost of your strength and character, what wonderful advice.
Move forward, dear friend, send emails to your friends in Uz now and then, send a care package if it can get through. Suggest that some of the men, women, and children seek asylum in the U.S., perhaps. But for now, put most of your time and experiences in Uz on a shelf to return to when you have more time and energy, perhaps after the transition from Romania. Immerse yourself in Romania.
You are needed in Romania. Put the bulk of your efforts into a place and a people where you can most affect change.
Many people support you there and here. I am proud to be among this group.
Thanks for that Transylvania in the thunder storm image, Chris. I can even imagine you doing the dash to Main Building, and raising your eyebrow with a chuckle at the thought. As for the rain and thunder, I was stuck driving from Millbury to Poughkeepsie in it, with a silly little worry that I may have left my window open in my new apartment. Helping the photographer in Millbury has become a little harrowing. He is rather demanding and very rude. I am beginning to think that he is not my type of photographer, the one I would like to be mentored by. But I will immerse myself in the experience, and I will learn what I can from him.
Expect something in the mail, and I bet that it will get there far quicker than in Uz…another bonus! 🙂
With love,
Melissa
Dear Matt,
Dislocation once resolved becomes HOME. Having to turn around and dislocate again so soon finds you in a tailspin. So much happened to you all in a short time. Most of it you did not really have time to deal with emotionally because you were in the middle of a political and social climate that certainly was unsettling. I am sure you all are dealing with the what ifs. I will tell you what I tell Josh. When you look back on your life you are really only sorry for the things you did not do. I can’t tell you what the future holds, but as Josh wrote us from UZ: time will eventually resolve the issues you guys are facing. Give yourself some time to deal with what really happened. When people move under normal circumstances, the adjustments are hard. Your move was not normal. Cut yourself some slack. My best thoughts for you.
Josh’s Mom
Amen!
Matt,
I hope you’re doing well, I think about you and pray for you often. I am so proud of the man that you have become.
Love always
Yvette